


An Addition to the Reading List

by Ladyofwarandmercy



Category: Space: Above and Beyond
Genre: F/M, First Kiss, Implied/Referenced Sexual Harassment, Post-Episode: s01e01 Pilot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-28
Updated: 2014-09-28
Packaged: 2018-02-19 03:13:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2372465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ladyofwarandmercy/pseuds/Ladyofwarandmercy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Someone has complained about Hawkes's behavior towards Vansen, beginning with the kiss, and McQueen has to sort things out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	An Addition to the Reading List

Whoever was at the door of Lt Col. McQueen’s office didn’t bother with the door chime. The loudness of the knock indicated the fist’s owner was probably male. “Come in!” The overlarge form of Cooper Hawkes shuffled into the office. Cooper’s hair was still too long, but according to the shrinks, cutting it was somehow going to make Hawkes’s fitting in with the Marine Corps worse or something, and he’d cut it when he was good and ready. McQueen thought it was a crock of crap, himself. 

“Sit down, Hawkes. I just had some questions for you.” The younger In-Vitro hesitantly poured himself into the chair on the opposite side of McQueen’s desk. “I have read the report that has been made about a potential…assault you may have made against Lieutenant Vansen. Cooper sat up like a shot. “Assault?? No way! I would never hurt Shane!” McQueen shook his head, “Relax Cooper, I didn’t say you hurt her, I said there was an assault. That means any unwanted contact, like, oh, say, a kiss.” Cooper flinched, but defended himself, “I told Shane I was sorry the next day. Why did she complain?” Cooper started to get out of the chair. McQueen put a hand on his shoulder. “First of all, Hawkes, I never said Vansen made the complaint. I never said she didn’t but I also never said she did. The name of the complainer is confidential. Secondly, I can understand the complainer’s concern, and I wanted to speak to you, so that I can assure this individual that there is nothing to worry about. My own read on the situation says that there is probably nothing to be worried about, but if I had simply dismissed this individual’s concerns, it could be misinterpreted as one IV covering up for another.” Hawkes sat back down, as did McQueen. “So, Hawkes, could you tell me what happened, and why you kissed Shane Vansen on the shuttle to Mars?”

Hawkes leaned back, but cocked his head curiously. “That was a month and a half ago. Before you became our commander, so why ask about it now?” McQueen shook his head and indicated for Hawkes to continue. “I don’t sleep good, you know. That’s kept me alive I don’t know how many times, Colonel. So when Shane started making noises, I wanted to see what was happening. Bunkmate of mine back in The Program had… Well, she had trouble in the middle of the night with the Monitors, let’s just leave it at that.” McQueen nodded knowingly. Rape was unfortunately common in In-Vitro training programs in McQueen’s day. There were supposed to have been some reforms since McQueen’s decantation, but it was doubtful such reforms would have reached the illegal program that had decanted and trained young Hawkes. “Cooper,” McQueen interrupted, “Does Vansen somehow remind you of your bunkmate?” Hawkes thought for a second, then shook his head. “Naw, She looked more like Wang. Her name’s Quinn, well, really it’s Quynh, but she goes by Quinn.” McQueen’s eyebrows hit the ceiling of his office. Quynh “Quinn” Tran was the In-Vitro wife of a Texas oilman. Far from McQueen’s own marriage not working out, Tommy Tran loved Quinn, and supported her when she sued Aerotech for the abuse she suffered in an illegal Special Ops training program. The whole thing started when another “graduate” of her program had turned up and corroborated Quinn’s story. 

“Hawkes, you were the other IV who witnessed the abuse in the Philadelphia Program?” Hawkes nodded, then looked concerned. “Don’t tell anybody in the 5-8 that, okay? They already think I’m crazy and dangerous.” McQueen sighed, “It’s too late for that, Hawkes, they figured it out the second week of boot camp. Wang found the transcript in one of his online excursions, and most of the other ‘Cards figured it was probably you.” Cooper Hawkes looked deflated. “They probably a think I’m dangerous, and they don’t want anything to do with me.” McQueen smiled, shook his head, and began to quote: 

‘Dangerous!’ cried Gandalf. ‘And so am I, very dangerous: more dangerous than anything you will ever meet, unless you are brought alive before the seat of the Dark Lord. And Aragorn is dangerous, and Legolas is dangerous. You are beset with dangers, Gimli son of Gloin; for you are dangerous yourself, in your own fashion. Certainly the forest of Fangorn is perilous - not least to those that are too ready with their axes; and Fangorn himself, he is perilous too; yet he is wise and kindly nonetheless. 

Hawkes looked at McQueen as if he had sprouted a third ear in the middle of his forehead. “It’s Tolkein. Hawkes. You know, Lord of the Rings?” This seemed familiar to Hawkes. who brightened up and said, “Oh yeah, I ended up buying a copy of all three movies last week---the Peter Jackson turn-of-the-century edition. Those are some great movies---but I don’t remember that line in them, Colonel.” McQueen looked on his bookshelf and set down three rather large books between them. “The Lord of the Rings was a great movie trilogy, Cooper Hawkes. They were even better novels. But let us go back to the matter at hand. You are dangerous, but in their own ways, so are your squadron-mates. Vansen among them.” Cooper nodded emphatically in agreement, “Oh yeah, when I kissed Shane, she hit me harder than any girl has hit me outside The Program.” McQueen arched his fingers, looked straight into Hawkes’s eyes, and asked again, “So why did you kiss her, Hawkes?” Cooper Hawkes blinked a few times, and frowned with a bit of confusion. “Colonel, I don’t know why I kissed her. Shane told me about how her parents had died, and she asked me if I had ever lost anyone close to me. And maybe I just watched too many movies, where they guy kisses the girl when she’s sad, and she knows she’s not alone anymore. I mean, I’ve never kissed anyone before or anything. I just thought she needed a kiss.” 

Hawkes looked confused, and McQueen realized he had spoken too soon when he thought there was nothing to worry about. “Cooper, what would you have done if she had kissed you back? Others have noticed you pay special attention to Vansen when she gets injured or needs help. Why is that? You have never had responsibility for another human being in your entire life, yet you’re worrying about Vansen’s nightmares, and scooping her up every time she stubs her toe. You’ve even been seen creeping down to her bunk at night.” Hawkes’s face snapped from confusion to defensiveness. “Hey, those nightmares weren’t just that one time. She gets them a lot!” “So what do you do about them, Hawkes? Kiss her some more, when she’s too asleep to hit you again?” Both men were on their feet, moments away from flying fists. Hawkes’s face was turning slightly purple. McQueen wondered if his own experience would overcome the younger IV’s training and skill. It was actually Cooper who broke the silence, “Colonel, you told me Wang got hold of the court transcript. Did you even read it? You know who my decant-cousin Quinn is. Do you know what those bastards did to her at night? I had a front-row seat to the whole thing. The Monitors harmed Quinn. They hurt her in ways she still ain’t over yet. If I kissed Shane again when she didn’t want it or touched her anywhere below the neck while she sleeps, I would be hurting her, even if she never knew about it. I would never hurt Shane. Never. You asked me when we first met if there was anything I would die for. I would die to make sure Shane Vansen makes it home from this war safe. I don’t know why, so don’t bother asking. It’s like asking why stars make light or the toaster in the mess always burns English muffins, but cooks toast right. It’s something that just is. I just have to take care of Shane and make sure she is safe. When her nightmares come, I go down to her bunk, and tell her in her ear that she’s strong, and she’s safe, and because she’s a Marine now, she’s doing something about those AIs who killed her parents, and her parents would be proud of her. That’s all! If she’s still scared, I hold her hand until she’s sleeping OK again, or I rub her cheek. Then I tuck her in, and go back to my bunk. I don’t touch her private places or anything else whoever it was told you I was doing. Because touching people who don’t want to be touched is wrong. I only kissed Shane that one time because I thought she’d want to be kissed. And I hold her hand because I don’t want to wake her up and ask, or just let her be scared like she is. One time she did wake up, and I was by her bunk, she gave me her hand and said it was okay to hold her hand when she was scared at night. And I stayed right there until she was back asleep. That’s permission!”

McQueen visibly relaxed and nodded. But he didn’t feel any less worried. Cooper’s reported nighttime activities were as innocent as McQueen had hoped they were. But the motivation for those activities reminded Tyrus McQueen too much of another young In-Vitro on a carrier in the middle of the Pacific with some rescued hostages back during the AI Wars. One of the hostages, a grad student with hair like spun gold, had a tendency to cry herself to sleep. And the young In-Vitro Marine, who had his own nightmares about Port Riskin, felt drawn to the crying girl. Idly, McQueen glanced at the picture on his desk from the wedding between that young IV and the crying girl. They had been divorced six years, Amy had left him for another man, and McQueen still held on to their wedding picture. “Okay, Hawkes. As long as your activities are as you say, I can assure the others it’s okay. You can go now. Send Vansen in after about ten minutes. I need to talk to her now, too. Again, she is not necessarily the one who complained. But there are things I need to discuss with her.” Hawkes nodded and walked out. Lt. Col. Tyrus Cassius McQueen poured himself a shot of Glenlivet and drank it down without even getting to enjoy its peaty flavor. Hawkes had not picked up the books. He was probably too embarrassed to admit he could not read them, or put them in the context of a rich education he never had. It took a trip through Enhanced General Education (“Egghead”) at the Moultrie Institute before McQueen could tackle Tolkein himself, so he didn’t hold it against the younger man. 

McQueen re-shelved the books, and then turned to another shelf, where he took down a book with an orangish-peach cover. A photo on the cover showed a shirtless man holding an equally disrobed woman to his chest. A mirror behind them showed the back of the man’s neck, while the woman’s short hair showed the back of hers. He was an In-Vitro, and she wasn’t. As the door chime went off, McQueen hastily found the chapter he was looking for and opened the book as he gave Vansen permission to enter. She stood at attention in front of his desk, but McQueen caught a slight eye-roll as she noticed the book. “Here I am, Sir,” Vansen punctuated with a salute. “Ah, yes, Vansen, please sit down. As you can tell, I have a bit of reading for you.” Vansen sat, and picked the book up to show the cover. “ How to Make Love To an In-Vitro, Colonel? With all due respect, did Winslow in the 212th put you up to this?” McQueen shook his head and sighed, “No, Lieutenant, this was prompted by a conversation I just had. And I am not having you read the entire book, just the chapter I had it opened to. I am aware of the…pornographic reputation of this book, but I think it is one of the best books I have read on the subject of the psychology of In-Vitros. Chapter Seven is, as you will see, no more pornographic than your average psych textbook. If you want to read the ‘juicier’ parts, you may want to borrow Winslow’s copy. I take it, she would be more than happy to lend it to you.”

Vansen surrendered to the inevitable and read the marked-off part of the book. It was a discussion on “imprinting,” or the way male In-Vitros often fixate on a kind female early in their lives. Most natural-born males are still living with their parents when they experience first love, and that first heartbreak. According to the book, an IV finds his own capacity for romantic feelings at a stage in his life when he is no longer in any sort of protected environment, but expected to have had experience and ways to cope with emotional pain that one can only get through the shelter of childhood. This combination of the schoolboy with his first crush, and the twenty-something man seeking a mate and family of his own leads to extremes of emotion and drama where love and romance are involved. Ain’t that the truth, Vansen thought.

After Vansen was done, she put the book down, put her hands on her hips, and looked at McQueen defiantly. “Colonel, I have no plans to start a relationship with Hawkes. He’s a great guy and a good friend, but I’m serving with him.” McQueen nodded, “I’m not asking you to commit squadcest, Vansen. Just be aware of what I think is going on with Hawkes. I don’t just say this as a fan of this…ah, particular work. But as an In-Vitro myself I can tell you from my own experience that what this writer is saying is absolutely true. Don’t lead Hawkes on, but don’t crush him unless you have to. He’s a good kid, and a good man. Us Tanks can be both, you know. All at once.” Vansen nodded. “Sir? Kelly Winslow from the 212th has been bugging the Hell out of me to read this whole book. She…umm…well, she has a thing about In Vitro guys, you see, and…” McQueen interrupted, “So, Winslow is a Tank Girl, in other words?” Vansen nodded, “But she told me it was her Danny’s wicked sense of humor she fell in love with, and she joined up after he was killed. She’s not, you know, ummm…” Vansen was looking uncomfortable.

“Shane,” McQueen interrupted, “Most natural-born women who seek out IV men aren’t perverts. Much like Winslow, they are human beings who fall in love with other human beings. And then they find the…benefits of being with an In Vitro man to be worth looking for in future relationships, should something happen to the original one. Are you afraid of what people would think if you had a relationship with Hawkes?” Vansen nodded sheepishly. “I see. Thank you for your honesty, but I really don’t think you have anything to worry about. Hawkes has a good sense of boundaries, considering his experiences, and he won’t push things. You can borrow my copy, or ask Winslow for hers, but I do suggest this book. Again, you can skip the chapters on sex, as long as you read the chapters on psychology and relationships. Might even help you understand your boss as well.” McQueen punctuated the sentence with one of the few smiles Vansen had ever seen the man crack. “I…I think I will borrow Winslow’s.” And with that, she left McQueen’s office and headed for the 212’s wardroom.

**Author's Note:**

> My husband got me into this show, and I loved it!


End file.
